I’ve been blessed to be God’s for over 30 years now, and He still helps me live His way in spite of myself. He can help you, too.
Those of you who have followed this blog know that I was terribly abused as a kid by those that were supposed to protect me. You will not be surprised to know that I was very angry at them for most of my life until God showed me that I needed to forgive them for what they did because if I didn’t, God would not forgive me for what I have done wrong. That’s a really scary realization, and it made me feel truly helpless because I knew that, in all honesty, I was incapable of that kind of forgiveness on my own power. So, I asked God for His help, and He, in His time, engineered a situation where it was literally impossible for me to be angry with my mother and which opened the door to compassion, which is part of love.It wasn’t too long after that miracle that I had the blessing of praying my mother home to Him at the end of her physical life.
Yesterday, yet another challenge dropped into my lap requiring forgiveness. You see, throughout most of my married life, my father-in-law truly abused me verbally and attempted in many ways to drive a wedge between me and my husband. He told my husband that I was literally impossible (translate that to “I can’t control her no matter what I do or say”) and that he didn’t love me. It was at that point that I had to tell my miserable husband he had to choose between his family or our marriage. It was impossible to live with him knowing he supported his family’s unkind, unloving viewpoint. Well, you know what my husband chose, since we’ve been blessed to be together for umpteen years now.
Part of my father-in-law’s issues was that my husband left the family fellowship (Catholic) to follow the path God had for him. We wound up being part of another fellowship and eventually got married after God crossed our paths. Through the years, my father-in-law resisted seeing God’s hand upon us, the work He gave us to do and our ordination into His service. Yesterday seemed to change all that.
We got a card from my father-in-law acknowledging that we are indeed doing a work for God and that he hopes we continue to make a difference in the lives of those God sends across our path. Not only that, he included a check to support the ministry and said he would send more when he could. What a turnaround! That’s miracle territory, guys!
We are literally reeling from joy and shock along with our caution bells ringing to see if this change is indeed permanent. You know, stuff like “it seems too good to be true”. Then comes my unforgiveness rearing its ugly head.
Like the dad who brought his son to Jesus to cast the demon out, I tell God, “Lord, I forgive, help my unforgiveness”. Okay, before you point out I fractured a quote, I know the dad really asked Jesus to help his unbelief. But the principle is the same. It’s literally humanly impossible to totally and completely believe without God’s help just like it’s impossible to forgive without His help. This is literally transcending our humanity, our feelings, and that’s miracle territory, too.
So, God wanted me to share this testimony with you so that you can receive His help to do what you truly can’t do on your own. I pray this helps you believe, forgive or whatever your stumbling block is so that you can grow in your walk with Him.
Pray with me: Father God, thanks for making me aware that there are some things I cannot do on my own regardless of how much I want to. Thanks for letting me know that You are there to make up the difference so that I can be free from unbelief, unforgiveness or any of those other “uns” that plague those of us who are Yours that You want to remove from our spiritual vocabularies and experiences. In Jesus’ name, amen.
copyright 2014, Pastors George and Sharon Billington, All Rights Reserved